The atmosphere of your early twenties has your head moving in so many directions. It’s a constant gear switch between thinking you need to achieve everything you planned for your life as a teen ASAP and trying to slow down to soak up everything happening around you. There’s people getting engaged, friends packing up shop and moving across the world and you’re left to look at your life thinking, “What’s next?”.
With so much change and uncertainty taking over, there’s a need to fill your life with experiences and stories to tell when you’re old and grey. Add the craving to answer the question, “Who am I?” and you end up wanting to leave the house to see the world.
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However, the thought of doing it alone? Kinda scary, TBH. Soooo many things could go wrong.
Arguably, this could be the reason my parents wanted me to watch Taken at such a young age — to scare me into never wanting to leave the country
My previous travel experience ranged from family holidays to business trips with coworkers. Even in the moments of being alone I always had the safety net of coming ‘home’ to something/someone familiar. So, when the opportunity presented itself to explore a new place on my own…I’ll admit I was unnerved.
As a member of the thought daughter club, my mind went in so many different directions thinking: “Who am I going to talk to?”, “What do I even pack?” and “Where the HECK am I going?”. Regardless, I knew that I needed to do this. If not for me, then for my curious inner child.
With nerves, manufactured courage and overpacked suitcase in hand I took the short flight from Sydney to Auckland, settling in for a stacked itinerary.
Waiting on the other side of ‘the ditch’ was a warm welcome from the Auckland skyline and dinner with someone I’d never met before. But a delicious cocktail and some housemade mac and cheese at Our Land prompted us to get on like a house on fire.
The slate of activities for the next day started with a hike up Mount Eden (Maungawhau) where my guide Dane spoke about the history of the tribes that once settled on the dormant volcano. In this moment, I took the time to ground myself and take it all in. The scenery. The stories. The overwhelming sense that I was just a tiny grain of sand in a big world.
Looking at the city for a moment, all of the worry went away replaced with the calm of being in the right place, at the right time.
I wandered through a sunkissed Chancery Square, Auckland’s Art Gallery (spotting a Picasso) and after lunch at Gilt Brasserie, found myself on top of the Sky Tower with a different type of fear setting in.
It was exhilarating being 192m from the ground. The panic turned to feeling invincible. Suddenly, I could do anything especially the heart racing challenges that involved standing on the edge of the pathway and looking down at the street below.
But the day of facing my worries wasn’t over…
Still left to check off my list was a sunset happy hour drink and the most daunting of all: going to a top-rated restaurant, all on my own. First on the docket was heading to Bar Albert, a local rooftop venue with wrap around views of Auckland. Filled with coworker catch ups, friend groups and even some dates, the night began to settle in across the skyline as I tried to avoid eye contact with the people around me. The refreshing drink after a long day was helpful.
Later at Samoa-inspired restaurant Metita, I was greeted by tables full of birthday celebrations, family dinners and friend hangouts. My mind was convinced that people were staring as I dined with an empty seat across from me. The discomfort was soothed by the scrumptious versions of chef Michael Meredith’s home favourites.
The crisp yet fluffy Panipopo with banana ice cream could fix a few things and the feeling of anxiety in a packed restaurant, even just for a minute, is one of them.
One very-full bellied, relieved night of sleep and a ferry ride later, I was on Waiheke Island for a day of tasting limited edition wines and exploring. My solo adventure was joined by a tour guide and a visiting couple from New Caledonia.
As we drove through the rolling hills and past the quiet beaches of Waiheke, I stared out of the window reviewing the moments I’d faced while on my trip. And I had a thought…
One of the hardest lessons to learn when you’re making the voyage from teenage life to twenties panic is how to be alone. For the fortunate section of society, the ages of 0-18 (and even beyond that if you decide to take on uni/college/TAFE) are filled with constant group settings via school, family and friends. In that time, no one really tells you how to cope with the loneliness.
But you feel it when you’re learning to have dinner by yourself or reading in a room, surrounded by teams of people. Or at least, I did.
I certainly haven’t mastered it from one solo trip but distracting yourself with pretty views, great food and forcing yourself to say hi to the people around you, is a damn good step in the right direction. Thank you New Zealand for teaching me that A) it’s okay to feel lonely and B) facing your fears doesn’t always mean bungee jumping off the Auckland Harbour bridge, sometimes it just involves enjoying your own company.
See you again very soon!
