Sometimes being petty feels SO good, especially after an awful breakup.
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the pettiest thing they ever did to an ex. Here’s what they had to say:
1. “He broke up with me. We still lived in the same apartment complex for eight months after the breakup, even sharing a washer/dryer. We became friends again after about three months. We started hanging out then I told him I got a job opportunity with almost double the salary. He immediately stopped speaking to me. He was still on my Disney+ and right after I moved was the final episode of The Mandalorian. I changed my password and logged out of all devices the night before the episode premiered.”
2. “We were together for 10 years, engaged twice. It was always a tumultuous relationship; we broke up and got back together numerous times. He was my first everything, and despite knowing and suspecting there were other women, I always got back with him. He finally left me for someone we bought a sofa from on Craigslist. He sent me a list of items I ‘owed him’ money for. He also took off cycling components he paid for on my road bike. Money was the one thing he cared about (aside from new women) so I turned him into the IRS for tax evasion. I now realize he’s a textbook narcissist and had lied on his taxes for years. I found out he got audited and owed something like $50K.”
—Iris, New York City
3. “I knew a friend who squeezed every condiment out of its bottle and onto his floor. She got up and left like nothing happened. He had to replace the floorboards and couldn’t go into those rooms without smelling mustard.”
4. “I had a friend that cut the crotch out of all her ex’s pants and left his porn collection on the front lawn with a sign that said, ‘Pervert lives in apt. # and can’t get it up without porn.’ She moved out after she found out he cheated. She was a fun roommate!”
5. “He asked me to move in, and I thought we were both extremely happy. We never fought, our intimacy was great, and we always made time for each other and ourselves. Less than 30 days after I moved in and got rid of all my things, he said he wasn’t ready to be that serious and we needed to live separately. I was livid. So, when I moved out, I removed every single lightbulb from his house, even the one in the fridge. It was built in the late 1700s, so the light fixtures were of various ages and the bulbs were all different types and sizes. I put them in a bag and then in a closet I knew he’d never check. I even used electrical tape to cover the microwave clock. He didn’t return until late at night, and I’ll never forget the texts I received. He did try and connect about a year later. It was a no for me.”
6. “I found out her new man didn’t show up for court and police wanted him on a bench warrant. I politely informed crime stoppers where they could find him. I ended up getting $140 which went towards groceries.”
7. “After I split from my husband he started dating a girl. I saw online he was taking her on a flight to another state for a big event. He’s exceptional at playing good guy, but when he doesn’t get his way he absolutely loses his mind and verbally destroys anyone within 10 feet of him. So, I canceled their hotel room. I thought I’d do her a favor and let her see who he really is. They broke up right after.”
8. “I changed my life insurance amount to my wife to $1 to be provided over 36 months after she left me for her high school boyfriend over Facebook.”
—Anonymous
9. “I took some of his boxes on purpose when I moved out, the ones that held things from his childhood. I had a garage sale and sold all his original Star Wars toys for $1 each. I made some thrifters very happy that day!”
10. “I accidentally disclosed to their employer that he made some adult content at the library where he worked on the bookmobile. Oops, shouldn’t have cheated.”
—Autumn Crow, Ohio
11. “I bagged up his clothes and added sequins, glitter, and tacks as extras.”
12. “I donated years of his frequent-flyer programs of airlines and hotels to charity.”
—Anonymous, Colorado
13. “My ex cheated on me so I broke up with him. His best friend found out what he did and came over to help me move out of our apartment and comfort me. We ended up making out and are currently three years into our relationship.”
14. “I had his prized Mustang convertible repossessed.”
—Kay, Massachusetts
15. “I hid cooked crabs throughout his apartment. I put some in suitcases he kept in the back of the closet and some inside the radiator.”
16. “He dumped me over text two weeks after my birthday, so I sent him a list of everything he did poorly in bed. It was a pretty long list.”
—Anonymous, Canada
17. “Not my breakup, but my best friend’s. As I was helping her move out of their house, I hid invitations from their canceled wedding everywhere I could, even between plates in the kitchen cabinet. I hope the cheater was finding them for months.”
18. “I painted his broken, old gaming system the same color as his brand-new one. I put it in the box of the new one after he cheated on me and left but still needed his stuff back.”
—Anonymous
19. “I signed my ex up for every email and text promotion I could find. Wanna enter a cruise sweepstakes? Yes, she does. Wanna sign up for information on timeshares? Oh, indeed she did! Do you want to receive texts about the local church calendar? From ALL of them? Praise be!”
20. “Not something I did, but when I broke it off with my boyfriend, he s–t all over my truck. The funny thing is, he either drove a half hour to my place with a bucket full of fresh s–t, or he took his pants down and s–t on my truck in the middle of the night. Either scenario is pathetic, which makes it hilarious.”
—Anonymous
21. “I dated this guy. He was a real douche and broke up with me because, as he told me, I had gotten too heavy and I was no longer attractive to him. I had gained 15 pounds. I said, ‘OK let me gather up my things and I’ll leave.’ I went into the bedroom to get my clothes, saw his pants hanging there, and got an idea. I had a seam ripper in my purse and very carefully picked all the seams out of his pants that he wore to teach as a college professor so that when he bent over the seam would rip open. And then I left, smiling, thinking, who’s got the fat ass now?”
What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done to an ex? Share your story in the comments!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
