When marriage vows are tested by family obligations, tough decisions have to be made.
This wife is facing backlash after refusing to let her husband’s twin brother with autism move in, and it’s turned into a family-wide debate about duty, care, and future plans.
Read on for the story.
AITA for not consenting to my husband’s twin brother moving in with us?
My husband and I got married less than a year ago. For most of our relationship one of our biggest issues and cause of arguments has been his family.
My husband has a large family and including half-siblings, he is 1 of 12 children.
This includes his twin brother, Sam, who has autism. One of his younger brothers also has autism but is higher functioning.
Previously, before we married, one of my husband’s brothers moved in with us for 8 months.
I knew going into it that it was going to be temporary and therefore okayed it.
However, I made clear then that his family members staying with us wasn’t really ideal for me.
Sounds reasonable.
Both of my husband’s autistic brothers have spent most their lives living with their grandpa.
However, back in 2018 they decided it was no longer appropriate for Sam to live with their grandpa due to his higher care needs.
Sam moved in with their oldest sister and has lived there ever since.
Sam is mostly non-verbal and although he has some independence skills, he needs help with everyday tasks and shouldn’t really be left home alone for more than an hour.
My SIL’s youngest child left home early last year and she’s now planning to move in with her eldest son and her grandkids.
She can only do this if she can find a new home for Sam.
I know where this is going…
Recently, my husband came to me and told me he wanted Sam to move in with us.
He argued we have the space, and he has the time to look after Sam.
He thinks as Sam’s twin it’s his duty to be the one to take Sam in. He also said their sister is still going to be spending a lot of time with Sam.
I feel bad but I told him I didn’t want Sam to live with us. This would be a long-term living arrangement not temporary like his other brother.
Yeahhhh, butttt…
I told him he should have told me before marriage that he would be wanting his brother to live with us.
I feel because he didn’t it’s my right to say no now.
This is a big change that will affect the rest of the foreseeable future and our future plans of starting a family.
Yesterday, my husband and I were at my SIL’s home discussing Sam’s future and I told her I didn’t want Sam to move in with us.
I suggested to her if she stayed in house to look after Sam, my husband and I can try to be a bigger help to her.
She became annoyed with me after that and complained she’s been looking after her younger siblings since kindergarten, became a teen mom and raised 7 kids of her own, and she can finally now have the time to do what she wants.
This is one big family pickle now.
I expressed my opinion that she was being cold to Sam who is incredibly attached to her, I could see him getting very depressed living away from her.
She got mad at me after that.
Although my husband said he would only take Sam in with my consent, I can tell he’s going to hold it against me if I don’t.
Am I being the a****le? I think they’re being very short sighted about Sam’s future and all the siblings have flat out refused him going into a home.
It’s a tough spot to be in, especially when saying no feels like you’re letting everyone down—but should saying yes come at the cost of your own life?
Reddit has some mixed opinions.
This person blames OP.
But this person says NTA.
This person says everyone involved gets a thumbs-down.
Sometimes “for better or worse” means making decisions that leave everyone unhappy.
That is, if you want to stay.
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.
