Parents
Family Members Are Sharing The Unwritten Rules In Their Household That Would Seem Bizarre To Outsiders
1. “If someone is voluntarily doing a chore, no one shall tell them how to do it differently unless damage is going to be incurred. If unsolicited advice is given without the intent to actively roll up sleeves and help, the task then belongs to the giver of the unsolicited advice.”
2. “We had the ‘loud noise’ and ‘I’m ok’ rules. If you knew you were going to make a loud noise — say, dropping a heavy bag down the stairs — you had to yell ‘loud noise’ to warn everyone that the noise was coming and planned. If you made a loud noise unplanned, you had to yell ‘I’m OK’ so no one came running or did come running if you were NOT ok. Side note this rule was created when Grandpa dropped a toilet on his finger.”
4. “If you have a cat on your lap and want something from the kitchen, someone else has to get it for you. Cat must not be disturbed.”
5. “Winner of a board game is charged with putting said game away.”
6. “When someone shows you the eggs the chickens laid today, you must admire them and say ‘eggknowledged.'”
7. “When removing eggs from the carton, all remaining eggs must be arranged symmetrically. A pattern is preferred.”
8. “My husband and I have a large mug that says, ‘As I suspected, I was right all along.’ When one of us has an ‘I told you so moment,’ the other says, ‘You get the mug tonight.’ We love the laughs we have when one of us turns the corner with that big ass mug-looking smug.”
9. “If you’re turning on a light in a dark room that has an inhabitant, you say ‘1, 2, 3, bright light’ so the person can cover their eyes or prepare for the shock of light.”
10. “So growing up, there were the ‘better’ seats in the living room. And if you had one, and got up, someone would likely grab it. So my siblings and I used to do this thing where we would say ‘X Save’ and draw out the imaginary X on the seat. But one day my brother pretended he had a fake eraser and erased the fake X, and took the comfy seat. So now we say, ‘X Save No Erase.’ And till this day, it’s just a very natural thing to do when we are together.”
11. “When you use the last paper towel from the roll you have to take the cardboard tube and yell ‘do-ta-do’ in it and then give it to the dog when he comes running so he can shred it!”
12. “If you get ice from the freezer, for whatever reason, you must pay the ice tax to the dogs.”
13. “Bandit, our aged Great Dane, gets the cushion on the far right of the orange couch. No exceptions, no asking him to move, that’s his spot.”
14. “When I was a kid, we had the ‘Bernie’ rule. Whoever had the worst manners at dinner was ‘Bernie’ (short for St. Bernard, like the big messy dog) and had to do the dishes. One time my brother farted at the table and my dad proclaimed, ‘You are Bernie. Nobody can take that from you tonight.’ So I decided to test that proclamation. I proceeded to put my feet on the table, and that night, I learned that there could actually be two Bernies, and we both had to clean the kitchen.”
15. “When you’re sitting down and you’ve misplaced something small (phone, remote control, etc.) you must get up and check under your butt before asking anyone else if they’ve seen the thing.”
16. “The dinner table ‘Dumb Joke of the Day’ rule. When I was a child, my father would tell a dumb joke at dinner every night. I did the same with my kids. Then when the internet was becoming more of a popular resource, I tasked each of my kids to take turns bringing a dumb joke. It truly made dinner fun.”
17. “If an item in the kitchen has not been opened, YOU MAY NOT OPEN THAT ITEM. Only the person who purchases the item may open the item. Edit to add: once an item has been opened, it is now deemed to have served its purpose and is fair game to all.”
18. “In our household, the unwritten rule is that you must perform a full interpretive dance routine to earn the right to use the TV remote. It keeps the peace and provides nightly entertainment.”
19. “If you are doing the ironing, control of the TV remote is yours for the duration. Watch whatever you want.”
20. “If anyone arrives home from an evening out later than they said they would, that person has to come in bearing snacks.”
Does your household have any bizarre rules? Share them in the comments!
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
