I Rewatched “Beetlejuice” As An Adult, And I Swore I Thought This Was A Family Film
It goes without saying that the original 1988Beetlejuice is a classic for a reason. The cast does the most, the production and costume design are some of the best in the business, and the score is simply iconic.
So, since the sequel Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is out now, I figured it would be wise to watch the original film all the way through for the first time as an adult. So grab some cockroaches to snack on (IYKYK) and rewatch the film with me below:
1.Oh, this music composer is going for it. It’s Danny Elfman, isn’t it? Of course, it is. Those woodwinds are working hard.
2.Look at this house model; she’s so cute… Oh, fuck that, there’s a spider. AND ADAM’S HOLDING IT? Absolutely not. Wait… did he just THROW the spider out the window with nowhere to land? Is this spider Spider-Man? RIP, little guy. (At least the view from the window looks nice?)
3.Aw, Geena Davis!! And she gave her husband a “vacation” present? Wait, did they both give each other vacation presents?? Am I supposed to give my significant other a vacation present?
4.Oh, they’re so cute and playful together. Is their relationship dynamic extremely healthy, or is it just me?
5.Okay, who is Jane? Do we like Jane? Was Jane the one who was calling?
6.Did she just say this house is too big for Barbara and Adam because they don’t have children??? Oh, hell no. Jane can suck it. AND SHE GOES AROUND THE HOUSE TO TALK TO ADAM? Let me fight her.
7.Okay, now that Jane is finally gone, let’s get back to this cute couple. I’ve never seen a couple so happy to do errands together.
8.Oh, this town is so cute… wait, did anyone notice a rogue dog just… walking across the street like he’s about to buy bread from the store? Where’s this dog’s owner?
9.Oh wow, Adam just left Bill hanging… and Bill just kept on talking. #justiceforbill
10.Again with this damn dog! Where is his owner? Is he the mayor of this town?
11.Oh my god, Barbara almost hit the dog! And the dog didn’t freak out at all? And he left Barb and Adam to die? What is going on?
12.Signs you’re dead #1: A fireplace burning out of nowhere. Wait… BARBARA BURNING OUT OF NOWHERE.
13.OKAY, that transition from the house to Saturn was incredibly cool — but ADAM WAS GONE FOR TWO HOURS? Barbara, girl, are you okay??
14.Signs you’re dead #2: no reflection.
15.Oh, here comes Betelgeuse. Look at him engaging in some self-care while he reads the newspaper. There are a few candles, a large liquor bottle, and an ashtray filled with cigarette butts. The ‘80s version of self-care.
16.Why are Barbara and Adam cleaning their home even after they’re dead? WHY IS JANE SHOWING UP TO THEIR HOUSE? Oh, Jane finally sold the house.
17.“You’re finally going to be able to cook a decent meal.” Oh, this man wants to die.
18.“A little gasoline, a blowtorch. No problem.” I will steal this phrase to answer all of my life problems. Thank you very much.
19.Why is this man coming through the window of their home?
20.“Charles. I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. I’m here with you. I will live with you in this hell hole, but I must express myself. If you don’t let me GUT OUT THIS HOUSE AND MAKE IT MY OWN, I WILL GO INSANE, AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME.” How do I get this whole thing crocheted on a pillow??
21.Oh, these sandworms do NOT like the Maitlands. Can we please get Jane on Saturn instead?
22.“My whole life is a Darkroom. One. Big. Dark. Room.” Another quote for the throw pillows.
23.Oh, snap, Lydia spots the ghosts…
24.OMG IS JANE BACK??? “[The Maitlands] were family. I was devastated.” Jane is really testing me. Also, do she and her daughter wear the same outfits in every scene? First, the black and white outfits, and now these yellow and blue numbers? Let your child be their own person, Jane!!
25.Oh, Betelgeuse returns to the chat: “I’ll eat anything you want me to eat. I’ll swallow anything you want me to swallow. So come on down. I’ll chew on the dog.” Okay!! So, we agree the dog is a murderer, right??
26.Of course, the Neitherworld has its own DMV. Also, Miss Argentina is one of the best-designed side characters in film history.
27.Okay, caseworker Juno, why did you tell the Maitlands not to say Betelgeuse’s name BUT then tell them EXACTLY how to contact him?? Juno, what are you thinking??? And then, when the Maitlands ask how they can contact YOU, you just DISAPPEAR while smoking a cigarette? Oh, you’re a full-blown baddie. Bravo.
28.LYDIA, why are you taking photos of “the Deetz” after they did the deed??? This isn’t art, honey!! And why are you taking so many pictures of them if it actually was them??
29.I love that we’re at the halfway point of the movie, and we finally get a clear picture of Betelgeuse — and he’s already making moves on “Babs.” At least he asked Adam if he was overstepping his bounds AFTER kissing his wife.
30.Does Betelgeuse have toxic ex-boyfriend energy??? “Come on. Just come up for a while. We’ll talk inside. The house is a mess — don’t pay attention to it! I’LL FIX YOU SOMETHING TO EAT!” Michael Keaton just wants to be loved!!
31.WHY IS OTHO SO MEAN??? “You know what they say about people who commit suicide? In the afterlife, they become Civil Servants.” Ohhh, I guess that’s what happened to Miss Argentina.
32.The more I watch Beetlejuice and see Delia Deetz have a nervous breakdown, the more I realize I have become her as an adult. Is this what adulthood is???
33.Juno told them to use their strengths, and the Maitlands delivered this iconic “haunting” music scene!! These ghosts are learning!! But the Deetzes are more entertained than scared.
34.Excuse me?? What did Delia’s agent say?? “I have consistently lost money on her work for years.” “Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculptures.” GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL, SIR.
35.“You got to take the upper hand in all situations, or people, whether they’re dead or alive, will WALK ALL OVER YOU.” GO, DELIA, GO. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!
36.IS THAT A GIANT BETELGEUSE SNAKE??
37.Well, I wasn’t expecting a family film to have a scene with “adult entertainment” yet. Here. We. Are. At least the Inferno Room has air conditioning.
38.OMG, they found Juno again — maybe she can fix this shit show. Oh… SHE was the one who thought of the brothel?? And she’s telling the Maitlands they screwed up. Lady, if you didn’t tell them how to CALL Betelgeuse in the first place, we wouldn’t be here! I think Juno needs to take a vacation — maybe a home vacation?? Too soon?
39.“I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design.” YOU KNOW NOTHING OTHO SNOW.
40.Wait, why is Lydia writing the letter?? Did that snake cause her to feel this way? Was it because she almost lost her dad? She seemed angry at Adam and Barbara!
41.I.C.O.N.I.C.
42.LYDIA. Didn’t your parents teach you not to talk to strange men in front of brothels???? Get away from Betelgeuse, young lady!
43.Didn’t the dad come all the way to Connecticut to rest?? And now he’s pitching to his boss?? Is this what Delia has to deal with? Absolutely not.
44.NOOO, Adam and Barbara are dying… again!! And now Lydia has to get married to the stranger she met in front of the brothel to save them.
45.I swore I remembered Betelgeuse and Lydia knowing each other for a much longer period of time before getting married — but they literally just met!!
46.Yesssss!! Barbara coming in to save the day! #womengetshitdone
47.OMG, are Adam and Barbara co-parenting Lydia now? Which means they consider Lydia to be their child??!! #SuckitJane
48.OH, there’s a new book — ahem — magazine: The Living and the Dead: Harmonious Lifestyles and Peaceful Co-Existence. And, of course, it’s by the same author.
49.Wait… what is Betelgeuse up to?? Oh, just him harassing women again.
50.Let’s go back to the house because Lydia is finally HAPPPYYYY!!! What a perfect way to end this movie!!
Have you seen Beetlejuice? Tell us what you think of the movie in the comments below.
