Sex & Love
Married Women Are Sharing Their Precious And Private Alone-Time Rituals, And I Love Them For It
We asked married women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they most look forward to doing when they get some alone time at home. Hundreds of women replied and told us about their favorite solo activities. From enjoying personal hobbies to snacking in peace to soaking up some silence, here’s what women shared:
1. “I spend my time being ugly. When my husband is around, I always feel the need to look presentable and act like a lady. But when alone, I don’t wear my makeup, don’t bother about matching outfits, and can waste away on the couch as much as possible. I definitely would not want to do this every day, but occasionally, it can be amazingly refreshing for your mental health.”
2. “My husband is allergic to shellfish, and I grew up eating Louisiana Creole food. When he is out of town, I create a shellfish feast and eat it in bed with my favorite cocktail. I return to my 12-year-old self eating shrimp, crab, and scallops on toast points with butter. Yum. It fills my soul.”
3. “My husband thinks I want to spend every moment with him, but the truth is I CAN’T WAIT to be alone and do nothing but binge-watch my shows and eat stuff he hates, like baked potatoes. I can’t stay awake to watch anything with him when he’s home, but boy, oh boy, when he leaves, I’m up for the day just TV-ing my life away, and I love it. Afterward, I usually pretend like I spent my day cleaning. Sometimes, I even watch an entire series and then pretend I’ve never seen it so we can ‘watch it together,’ but lord knows we are both falling asleep before the first episode is finished.”
4. “I make some coffee, sit out on my back porch, and enjoy the quiet. Then I put on an audiobook and deep-clean any given room. I love it so much when I get to clean alone.”
5. “Sing. Loudly and passionately. I sing when he’s home, but usually only in the shower or quietly to myself when he’s in another room. But when I’m alone, I belt out my favorite songs until my throat is hoarse!”
6. “I call my mother and gossip. We both are mature adults, but we talk shit about people in private. Not having my kids and husband around is the best time for that.”
—Anonymous
7. “I enjoy decluttering without my husband or kids looking over my shoulder. I don’t get rid of anything IMPORTANT, but every decision would be questioned otherwise. That holey pair of boxers? GONE. That broken toy that was from a bag of cheap party favors? GONE! All jokes aside, it’s a necessary and ongoing process to cull the crap before it takes over.”
8. “I take a long hot shower and sleep. Just sleep. I get to have the entire bed to myself. I have two little ones, and everything is always rushed, and the bed is always cramped. So yes, just those two simple things.”
9. “I just adore the quiet. My husband blows his nose at least 20 times daily — not normally, but VERY loudly with honking. He makes all his facial tissues vibrate every time, and he swears it clears it out better, but the reality is that it just inflames his face more. But it’s a habit and will be one forever. Also, the questions. He wants to know where I am, what I’m doing, what there is to eat, how to make it, what goes with it, which of his clothes are clean, which of his clothes he should wear, and asks other random questions that have nothing to do with anything. Between the snoring, the loud morning noises, and the singing along to his favorite songs, the man makes a lot of loud sounds. So when he’s out of town, I don’t have any sort of noise happening, no TV or music or anything. Just quiet. Man, I love that.”
“There was a time a while back when all those things annoyed me to near death, but thinking that there might be a day when I CAN’T hear him from downstairs really chilled my complaints.”
10. “Cuddle with my dog! Don’t get me wrong, my hubby loves my dog, but he’s not a fan of me letting her sleep in the bed with us, so I try to limit it. Let the full-on cuddling commence when I’m home alone with my dog!”
11. “I like to watch documentaries about past crimes, especially in eras when forensic technology was still very basic. Some of the crimes are quite horrific, and I know my husband really does not enjoy those shows, so if he’s out for the evening, I’m likely to watch something pretty awful!”
12. “Living in every room of the house, and I mean truly living. Music, candles, romantic lights. I draw myself a bath with candles and music in the bathroom while I make coffee and snacks in the kitchen. I can move from the bathroom when I’m done to the office to clean up a little and then meander out into the living room to throw my feet up and watch my TV show of choice.”
—Anonymous
13. “Getting stoned (recreational marijuana is legal in my state) and eating way too much junk food while watching a period piece or a sappy rom-com.”
—Anonymous
14. “I love doing things I enjoy uninterrupted or without explaining why, like reading, taking a long bubble bath, or watching Vanderpump Rules reruns. When my husband’s home, I get, ‘How do you watch this? It’s horrible,’ or ‘Do you have to read all day? Can we watch a movie?'”
15. “I talk to myself a lot. I have so many thoughts and opinions when I’m watching TV, listening to a podcast, or even just floating around in my head (I have ADHD, lol). It’s like I just have to get those thoughts out. When my husband is home, I’m usually really annoying because I always have to pause the TV and go on mini rants (he is nice enough never to complain about this). But when I’m home alone, I can talk out loud to myself without feeling like I’m ruining someone else’s time.”
16. “Being able to breathe and collect my thoughts. Not having to answer questions right away (and usually, they are questions that never needed to be asked if my husband just looked in the first place).”
17. “I look forward to not going around and putting away all the mess left behind by another fully grown adult. Hard to believe that a grown-ass man can’t bring his dirty cup to the kitchen, put shoes away in a closet instead of the middle of the front hall, or hang up his coat on a hook instead of the stair railing, no matter how many times I ask him. When I’m home alone, I enjoy the house staying neat and tidy!”
—Anonymous
18. “When I’m home alone, I write fanfiction and romance novels about scenarios I’d love to play out but can’t make happen. Basically, I write my own Hallmark movies for my enjoyment.”
—Anonymous
19. “I have many roles in life, as do all humans. I am a mother of three kids (3, 6, and 9), a wife, and a public school teacher. I honestly enjoy silence and not being touched at all. Whether it is holding a toddler or being pulled or tapped by students, I am in constant close proximity to humans. All of this is so innocent, but after 12 hours of the noise and touching, being home alone is all about personal space and enjoying the silence when my husband takes the kids to the grocery store. God bless partners who share the load!!!!”
—Anonymous
20. “My spouse is away for a MONTH! I clean the house when/how I like, fall asleep listening to podcasts on the speaker (instead of wearing earphones), let the dog on the bed, and sleep DIAGONALLY. Yes, lawd!”
21. “Watching adult content with the volume on and using a magic wand on the highest setting!”
—Anonymous
22. “I enjoy having a drink and relaxing in the pool by myself. There is no one to splash me, and I don’t have to worry about entertaining anyone or making sure they live to see tomorrow.”
—Anonymous
23. “Farting. I do my best not to in front of my husband, and I appreciate his same efforts. But when he’s gone, I’m a farting machine!”
—Anonymous
24. “Honestly, if my spouse is away, I order a giant Uber Eats order. I’m talking an appetizer, food, AND a dessert, and I have a delicious glass of wine while binge-watching something. Sometimes, I put on music and clean first, but these are all things I can do completely uninterrupted, and I can sing to my dogs as loud as I want.”
—Anonymous
25. “Mindlessly watching trash TV in silence. No ‘What’s happening?’ or ‘What’d they say?’ or unrelated side comments. Just me and my own silent judgments. Ah, it’s the best.”
26. “Alone time at home is a very, VERY rare occurrence since we also have three kids, but occasionally, the hubs will take them out, and I get a day to myself. Do I clean? Heck no. Do I soak in the tub? Nope. Do I binge eat all the food excitedly, knowing I don’t have to share it with anyone? Yes. Do I snuggle under a blanket with hot tea in my hands and a super-cheesy chick flick on? Absolutely, yes. There are no interruptions that way. There’s no hubby to walk in and make fun of what I’m watching. It’s just me and my favorite things: food, tea, movies.”
27. “Not talking. I can go 12-15 hours without saying a single word, which, when I can, is the best gift ever. Between both my jobs, I talk so much six days a week. Unfortunately, no one in my life understands that I am not angry, sad, or depressed; I just don’t feel like talking.”
—Anonymous
28. “My husband and I live in a small place with one bathroom and work the same schedule, so we’re usually on top of each other when we’re trying to get ready for work. When he goes out of town, I have the same routine. I take a long, extra, EXTRA hot shower and do my full care routine: hair mask, shave, scrub, etc. I eat boxed mac ‘n’ cheese with chicken nuggets in bed with the dog while we watch rom-coms (like the really bad Nicholas Sparks ones). And you bet your ass I starfish right in the middle of the bed in a cocoon of pillows and blankets. I don’t love it when he’s away, but I look forward to my me time the three or four times a year he travels for work.”
—Anonymous
29. “Eating ice cream out of a pint without having to share it. I don’t always finish it, but something about not having to share it makes me so happy. My husband knows I do this and thinks it’s funny.”
—Anonymous
30. “Definitely masturbating. Being with my husband is really nice, but if you want a job done perfectly, you do it yourself. If he’s gone for a few hours, I’ll probably have gotten off three or four times by the time he returns! I know he does the same when I’m out of the house. We both know that solo time is important! It’s silly to always rely on another person for your own pleasure.”
—Anonymous
31. “I give myself permission to relax. No one can judge, observe, or bother me, so I can read, watch a silly movie or show, or do nothing. It’s bliss.”
—Anonymous
32. “I do an extra long workout. It’s the best!”
—Anonymous
33. “Honestly, I just listen to death metal and jam out. My husband and I love music, and we have spent a lot of time watching DJ sets together from the comfort of our home ever since the pandemic. But nothing excites me as much as my alone time, where I can blast music that no one I know in real life enjoys except me. I call it ‘death metal coffee hour,’ and it helps me process things mentally and get stuff done around the house! I’ve also been really digging crossword puzzles in my solo time lately. I guess I’m getting old.”
—Anonymous
34. “I enjoy the quiet. My husband has been retired for a year. He is always home. Always. Home. And he plays videos on his tablet nonstop! On the rare occasion when he and my daughter are out, I revel in the quiet. I don’t want to talk to anyone and rarely watch TV. I will read or work on a craft in peace.”
—Anonymous
35. “Watching a trash movie or show and not getting judged. Sometimes, I’ll watch porn if I’m feeling into it and need self-care time. It’s so precious not to feel guilty for enjoying a little self-care, whatever that might mean for you.”
—Anonymous
36. “Staying up late watching musicals while returning emails and grading papers. Then, I give myself a pedicure and listen to music while catching up on other work that I can’t do because I have to tend to everyone else’s needs first.”
—Anonymous
37. “I order whatever I want from DoorDash because my husband hates ordering any kind of food delivery, and then I watch whatever reality TV show I want to watch at that time. And then I take the vibrator for a spin, and then I eat a brownie with ice cream on top. And then I change into comfy clothes and get ready for bed. It’s a ritual at this point, haha.”
—Anonymous
38. “I just want to sit silently and pick what I want to do or watch. I am so exhausted from being a mom and wife 24/7. My husband is amazing, but I need an opportunity just to be me and recharge without anyone else having any expectations. I love my family so much, but I miss being able to do anything without someone needing me. It is exhausting. Having free rein of the TV, getting to cuddle my dog, or going to look for shark teeth for hours on end to the point where I forget the existence of time are my absolute favorite things to do when I can get time alone.”
—Anonymous
39. “Reading smut Wattpad stories.”
—Anonymous
40. “I eat boxed mac ‘n’ cheese or something else heavy on dairy (my husband is lactose intolerant), typically out of the pot, while reclining on the couch. If my husband is gone overnight, I stay up late playing video games he isn’t interested in and eat snacks at my own pace (he snacks so fast!!!).”
—Anonymous
41. And: “I know a lot of people treasure alone time, but for me, when my family isn’t home, it’s simple. I take a shower without my name being called a million times for basic tasks. Once that’s done, I’ll walk around the house naked, grab a bottle of wine, grab a cozy blanket, and put on a true crime documentary that I can watch in full because no one is here to STOP me!!”
—Anonymous
Married women, what else do you enjoy doing once you get some alone time? Tell us in the comments or submit to this anonymous form. I hope you get to enjoy some peace and quiet soon. <3
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
